Eyes Full of Tears...Please Read!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Please read and if you know this is going on in someone's life around you, PLEASE INTERVENE!!

High School Vs. Middle School

High school registration continues to be a stressful topic at our house.  And yes, I know this will just go away eventually and we won't have to think about it for another year.  

He made a couple choices that I wasn't sure about and one that I knew was incorrect.  He really wants to be in the Engineering Academy.  I am cool with that, but a prerequisite for acceptance is Algebra.  Because he had no standardized test scores before last year, he was not put into Pre-Algebra last year and therefore could not take Algebra last year.  I should have fought it, but not knowing the ramifications of this, I didn't know to fight it.  Unfortunately, the decisions about math  in middle school (and therefore) high school, are made in 5th grade.  My child was an "unknown" so he was put in the lower class.  

I think what my sisters says about high school vs. middle school is correct.  In middle school, you are still made to fit into the box.  In high school, you can define your OWN box.  In #2s case, this means getting to do things that will set him on the right education track to one day work for LEGO.  He has said this since he was about 10 years old or maybe even younger.  He has not wavered.  I want this for him.  I really do.  But, in this case, there is no going back.  Unfortunately, I think he might be stuck with entering the Academy in the 10th grade.  This will be a big disappointment for him, but I am sure he will weather it.  But, it means not getting to define his box until 10th grade,  not really getting to do what he would like until then, and not getting to be in this little group of people who will be like himself.  This saddens me, but there is not much we can do.  I have e-mailed some people who might know of an Algebra class to take during the summer that might transfer.  We are going to do all we can...and if the answer is "No", then it is "No".  I am confident that he will become who God wants him to be with or without Engineering in 9th grade.

Here are his other course selections:

Pre-Ap English 9

Pre-Ap Biology 9

History 9 (I thought he should have taken Pre-Ap in this one, too.)

Algebra 1

Latin 1

Theatre 1 (no band - I know he will probably do better in Theatre, but I would like for him to continue in band mainly because it gives the students a strong -and for the most part positive group to identify with - however, back to him "defining his own box")

Alternates:  1. Choir and 2. Art (I thought he should have put Art first, but he put Choir first).  This only makes a difference because when we register by computer, we don't put in alternates, so in this they go by what it on your course selection sheet.  Also, since he has down Engineering as one of his choices, he WILL get an alternate.  

I will be praying before we enter his courses online.  He will be fine.  God is in control, and hopefully he will let Him continue to be in control of his life.  Again, his choice!  My prayers are with him, though.....

My Brilliant Son

This is a picture of a political cartoon that #2 drew for his Reading class.  They are studying "media".  The teacher used it as an example of how a political cartoon needs to be witty and enjoyable even for those that don't share your point of view.  But, she told him that he needed to do another one.  Not sure why......is it because she is uncomfortable with him making this point?  

I tried to post the pictures in the order I wanted to post them, but you will see the balloon first and then the whole picture.  Please disregard the handwriting and grammar and see the brilliancy of the point he is trying to make.  

If you can't read it, here is what it says, "Somehow, I don't think this works the same way as the easy button."

Meeting with the Principal

Yesterday, I had #3s IEP meeting.  You just never know who is going to do the job for the "administration" sign-off.  I have had a counselor come a couple of times and fill in for that role. Anyway, the 6th grade principal was there.  When the signing was all over, she asked me if darling daughter had told me about the little "incident" that took place.  I said "no" and began to sweat thinking the worst and wondering why I HADN'T heard about it from daughter.  So, she goes on to say that there was a little incident in class this week and the "charming child that she is" called a little boy a "retard".  Of course, I was mortified, but the principal made me feel so much better by saying that she owned up to it, admitting exactly what she said and tearing up (the principal promptly embraced her) and was very sorry and repentant.  The principal went on to say that she and #3 are "friends" and that she thinks it was not a big deal for her to confront her.  She said that "she doesn't have favorites, but if she did, 'daughter' would be one of them, but she doesn't have favorites".  She also said she told #3 "You don't have a mean bone in your body," meaning that she just blurted it out without thinking and not to be mean, just to be funny.  Well, she might not know my child very well.  She does have at least one mean bone - everyone does - but she is a good kid and wants to do well both academically and with her behavior.  I came away with the feeling that those at this school seek to handle things in the best way possible and that they are "lovin' my child" and she is "lovin' them back".  I was in admiration for the principal and that when she addressed it, it was over!  She stressed that she didn't want #3 to think that she tattled on her and it was a done deal.  I, however, wanted to bring it up to my children if for no other reason than to just say "Please tell me when you have to see the principal".  So, I covered it without much fanfare and told all three younger ones to come to me before I hear from someone else.  They said they would and I don't think it will happen again.  #3 said she just forgot.  Apparently she didn't think it was as big of a deal as I did, and she knows the principal holds her in high regard.  Not a bad thing, considering I want her to see people in authority as someone to respect and, if possible,build a relationship with.  That will only help her later in her life.   Hopefully, there won't be any other "principal" confrontations to address.  

Every other part of the meeting went well and she is only qualified in "written expression".  Again, this seems to be a family trait.  The verbal skills are great, the vocabulary is great, the intelligence is there, but we just don't get it on paper very well.  Overall, she has surpassed my expectations with all A's for her semester grades.  I am very proud of her effort and the results.  She is doing well.  

Teacher Conferences

I had a conference with #3s teachers yesterday.  It is very hard to describe the emotion I felt leaving the meeting.  The tears wanted to pour out of my eyes, but I held them back relishing the euphoric feeling that was coursing through my body.  She is doing well!!  She is achieving beyond what I could have wished for.  She is amazing me and those who worked with her before.  And all of this is so "out-of-character" for her. 

To know how big this is for me, you have to know the background.  This is a child that seemed to have a moderate learning disability that was almost across the board.  The majority of her issues were in the areas of written expression, but she tested for learning disabilities also in math and reading.   Not only that, but there were some behavior issues that I didn't think she would overcome easily.  I thought we would always be afraid of how she was going to handle the next difficult thing that came her way.  Because of how she reacted to certain things in the past, we (teachers, husband and I) tried very hard not to rock the boat.  We tried to assess whether we could ask more of her.  We were careful that she not be asked to "carry" too much. But, she is amazing me beyond belief with what she has been able to handle this year:  rotating schedule, two lockers and combinations, seven teachers, keeping up with large amounts of homework, etc.  And, she is HAPPY!!  

I am blown away by God's faithfulness to me in caring for my child.  I don't know if it is anything short of a miracle!!!  Her reading, which at the end of last year was on a sixth-grade level, is now, in vocabulary and comprehension, post high school!!! Over the summer, she read voraciously and the best we could count, read about 20 books!!  The books that she found very difficult during the school year last year were her "bread and butter" reading material during the latter part of the summer and now!!  These are books she is "plowing" through quickly as we speak.  

So, we are moving her into advanced reading (this for a child who didn't read until 3rd grade), and out of academic support (her elective where she gets help with homework) into a regular elective track where she will get to try the classes that the other kids are trying.  Bottom line:  she will get to have fun!!  

She has also signed up for three clubs: scrapbooking, First Priority (a Christian club), and crochet/knitting.  This was the child who didn't want to do anything extra last year!!!  And despite the fact that she is "NOT!!!  sporty" (her words), she is enjoying P.E. and having fun with it.  To what do I attribute this success?  Her finding the right combination of teachers, support at school, and help at home.  And the hand of God in an awesome way to help her put all those pieces together in a way that cannot be explained by any other means.  

Thanks God, for overwhelming me with your kindness.  Words truly cannot express what I feel.  I feel very small and worrisome and yet, you care about those things.  You are loving me in a way that is beyond my expectations.  I am not saying that there won't be further trials with this child, but you will help us through until we see the light at the end.  Thanks God.  Thanks.

I called the conference a couple of weeks ago because she was not happy: complaining, frustrated, and sad.  I asked her to write down the things she didn't like about school in order of how bad they were. Here is her list: 

                             1. Science is all in groups 

                             2. Too much homework

                             3. Girls are mean

                             4. I have no friends in school except for a few.

                             5. Academic support is boring

                             6. U.S. Studies - too many quizzes

                             7. P.E. is hard because I'm not!!! sporty.

                             8. Language Arts is hard because of writing.

                             9. I hate Math!

Lots of these things have not changed, but she is handling them.  She is dealing with school and doing much better about everything.  Her "case manager" asked me to have her list 10 things she likes about school.  So, we were walking one day and I asked her about doing that.  She said that she didn't know if she could come up with 9, but she knew 7 right away.  Her seven were her teachers!!  She is willing to put up with the things she can't change because she is "feeling the love" from her teachers.  She is "clicking" with them and they with her.  Again, thanks be to God!!

Community

Last night, #2 went to a birthday party for two little 13-year-old girls.  We had the hardest time finding out how he got invited.  He didn't recognize either of their names and after looking them up in his yearbook, didn't really recognize either of their faces.  So he decided to go as this was a good opportunity to meet people, get to know others and "hang out".  Before the day rolled around, I realized that I knew (but not well) one of the moms.  So, I asked her if she invited my son because she knew me, but she said she really didn't know how he got on the list.  She said she thought it must be the other little girl that invited him as she is very social and probably "invited the whole 7th grade".  

So, he went last night.  This was his first girl/boy party since the days of say, kindergarten.  When I got there, I went to talk to the mom.  That is when it all came together!!  After we talked the first time about the invitation, This mom asked her daughter about my son.  Turns out the daughter knew him and HAD invited him.  She met him on the bus and thought he was a nice kid.  But, there is more....  She had seen him being teased at the beginning of the year and was concerned, so the mom contacted the principal and the daughter (despite her shy nature) was called in and made the principal aware of what was going on.  I knew that all this had happened, but the girl that went to bat for my son was a nameless, faceless "good samaritan".  Now, it makes #2 and I feel very warm that a shy little girl that we don't even know stood up for him when he was being teased.  And it feels even better because after a hard year, the perfect ending is to feel that we are a part of a community - part of a place, of schools, but more than that, part of people's lives!!!  

Memories from Band Concert

Last night was my middle-schooler's band concert.  At the last minute I invited my brother to come.  It was very fun.  He commented about getting up and dancing when the jazz band played "Twist and Shout".  I told him if he did, I would have to blog it because he would embarrass

me.  He said, "You are threatening me with publicity?" I laughed.  

What you might not know about my brother is that he likes publicity, but enjoys sometimes "flying low".  It is a strange combination.  

I find we are all a little like that.  We don't want to seem like we like attention and don't want to crave it, but we enjoy a little bit being "known".  The awesome thing for me right now -(I don't always remember this - but right now it is so clear) I am remembering who knows us the best, loves us the most and HE is the most important "being" in the universe.  It is great to be known by HIM.  It is great to be loved by HIM.  This kind of "knowing", though, makes you feel incredibly small... and that is a great feeling, too!!!  He knows us inside, outside, upside down!!! He loves us more than anyone else ever could!!!  Just ask HIM to reveal himself to you and reveal yourself to you.  That's right, HE knows you better than you know yourself......

Other memories from last night- having all the kids together enjoying one child's moment (no one detracting by bad behavior or being bratty), going out to eat at 9:00 at night and having no ice and my husband having to order over and over as what he ordered was always out (so many times that it got very funny), the kids enjoying each other and us, tiny middle-schooler in a tux with a "too-big" jacket (very cute!!), the drumline from the high school (black lights and all), the music - how fun!!!

You get the picture.  Yesterday was a VERY full day.  I got the kids off for school (harder than normal), met some friends, drove to "small town" 100 miles away and back by 3:00,  Did homework, got the oil changed in the car, got everyone ready for the concert (alone), got to the school 45 minutes early, waited, enjoyed the concert, went to eat, rushed home to fall into bed at 10:00.  Exhausted!!!  And there was a lot in the middle there, like listening to one of my favorite people speak (my friend and "sage"), connecting with God deeply (emotionally), driving and talking to my friends in the car - LONG DAY.....

Next year

Middle school is a tough place to be these days.  The kids are mean to each other, the teachers are doing their best, some are doing better than others at inspiring the kids, helping them learn.  But it is a place where my child (#2) has not yet found "his place".  So I worry about his self-esteem, his view of his place in the world.  I worry that he won't recover easily from this horrid place he has to go to every day.  He is becoming more and more someone I don't know.  The kid who likes to talk has become someone who is scared of saying anything in front of other people.  

He is making it, though.  He is somehow surviving.  I see that he has a bright future despite what he is told about himself during school hours.  I try to convey that to him, but he is doubtful right now.  He needs to find his spot on the planet.  

I am not saying he is not "odd".  He likes Legos still.  He is in 7th grade and still wants to be a little boy.  He is innocent in some ways.  He is learning, though, sadly to be someone who might could be mean back.  

He doesn't want to believe me when I tell him what he truly IS.  I am just "dumb Mom", you know.  He doesn't want to give his best when everyone else is skating by.  He wants to shut down and curl up in a ball and "survive".  But I can see so much better for him.  I want him to see himself as God sees him.  He is a pretty wonderful kid and we have much to be thankful for.   

Next year, #2 and #3 will be in this environment.  They will both be subjected to the mean, vile side of youth.  The atmosphere in our house will likely change forever.  I have to remind them right now to be nice to each other.  What will it be like then?  I can only hope and pray........