Become as a child.....

God loves children, there is not doubt!  Me too!  In Luke 18:17 Jesus says that for us to enter the kingdom of heaven, we must become as a child.  There are things I don't like children, though.  In thinking on this, as I teach ESL, I find more and more my students to be the perfect mix of adults and children.  They are children in adult bodies, if you will.  I love that they are new, see things in a fresh way, think in an idealistic way, love to have fun,  and don't mind becoming a little childish in order to learn new things.  They don't always have the "pat" response that I am expecting and often like to shake things up.  Once with two different classes, when they saw the word "throw" and were asked to put the particle with it (that defines what you are going to do - like in, out, away, etc.) they said "throw up."  I found it very funny and we laughed together.  This is something a child would do.  Also, they like to make jokes, even in dark, unusual ways.  For instance, one time, my student made a sentence with hang up (again an excercise on two-part verbs) to say, "My friend hang up himself."  I told him he was into "black comedy".  Of course, first I had to make sure he was kidding - he was!  We laughed together.  We tell them children's stories, we recite phonic poems for children, we use "baby" or "milk" Bible verses.  But it is fun and I love it.  I love that they are independent, thinking adults, but also are children in many ways.  

So, what did Jesus mean?  I think he meant a lot of things, but one thing he might have meant is to be teachable, leadable.  My students are very teachable.  They are sponges looking for the newest "slang", the unknown vocabulary, the cultural things we take for granted.  They love to learn.  And in the right context, kids love to learn too.  Most American adults are too complacent.  They are not looking to learn from those around them.  They think they know it all, that they don't need help.  I find it very refreshing to be around people who are so eager for life and especially learning.  They make my life richer for being in it!  People lately tell me that I light up when I talk about ESL or the students.  I light up because they light up my life a little. They are a very special segment of our society.  I am thankful that God placed this in my heart and life.

My Girl

Best described by her brother as being a tiger:  Beautiful but dangerous!!!

Quite true, quite true.....

She is also:

• Fun and fun-loving
• selfish but giving when it is her idea (gifts are quite creative)
• creative sometimes in odd ways (could one day become a "found object" 3D artist)
• smart but hates academics (BUT loves writing her own cool little stories - just not much for the mechanics of writing and NO punctuation)
• girly but loves the outdoors (is studying the "Dangerous Boys" book section on how to make arrows and is succeeding quite well at making very sharp sticks - "OUCH!!!!")
• all about her friends and cousin, but likes being alone too
• loves anything "hands-on"
• late reader but LOVES book - Warrior series is her fave
• messy, scary messy room
• "fit-thrower" (unfortunately)
• likes to sleep
• quite good with younger children (when she wants to be)
• hates to travel

My children

Now that my kids are at school all day, when they get home, I want to snap my fingers and begin enjoying them.  I have missed them, their chatter, their hugs, their activity.  As I have said before, if I am home, the house is too quiet and overly big.  If I am out, I feel alone, weird as if my limbs are not where they should be.  I have been alone before but not so much of it for.....oh, about 17 years.  

I remember when my first went to preschool, I had just had his younger brother.  I took naps with #2 sleeping next to me warm and cozy.  He was right with me almost all day.  When he slept alone (rarely), I was constantly checking on him.  Then I had #3 before Benjamin "came home" for good.  She was very fussy and having #2 also (a great baby, but very "into everything" toddler) made for a busy day.  Those three kept me busy and I remember changing diapers on the three of them until #3 was about 2 1/2.  So they were always with me and I was always busy.  I never lived near family (or not near enough to get babysitting help often) and there wasn't much money for sitters during the day.  The kids, slowly, as they grew up, became my companions.  They were always my life, they grew into this new thing.  I wasn't always nurturing, but I saw them as an extension of myself.  I didn't always do the right thing and was often overwhelmed, but they were my reason to keep going.  

Of course, somewhere in that story, #4 was born (2 1/2 years after #3).  He was the best baby, the most calm, the most fun (not my favorite - just the last one).  We all enjoyed him and he completed our family.  

I guess when I look back on the life I had versus what I have now, I am grateful that I had that kind of time with them.  I am thankful that I was able to give to them in a way that many can't.  I wouldn't take anything for the years we had together.  Now that they aren't with me so much, I miss them.  I took them for granted in a way.  I stressed the small stuff too much.  I worried about every little school thing and didn't just let learning happen like I should have.  I really look back on those early years and wish I had "enjoyed" them more.  I felt at the time, though that it was all about survival.  

Now, when they come home each day.  I am looking forward to it.  I am anxious for them to go outside with me, play ball together, take a walk on the trails that snake through our neighborhood.  But they aren't.  They are ready to chill with a book or video games.  They often have homework (especially the middle school child) and don't have time for me to "enjoy" them.  So, I find myself looking for other ways of enjoying them.  I enjoy their school stories, success, and getting reports or grades.  When the younger two want to do a craft (somewhat rare in these days) I remind myself to drop everything and comply.  Because the oldest and youngest want me to drive them home from school each day, I do it.  And they do talk to me more then than any other time.  When they want to be "visited" each night at bedtime, Kevin and I try to fit it in.  We are a little "scared" into cherishing our time a little bit more because they won't be around forever and they probably won't listen to us even that long (although I am hoping they will, by some miracle of nature, listen at least a little).  My kids, by some weird freak of nature, are not staying little forever.  They are growing up, changing and those diaper days did not last forever.  I still have two that aren't teens yet, but even my days with them are numbered. 

 "God, please help me to remember that and cherish the really great moments as well as some of the more mundane.  And thanks for all those years, though not always fabulous, they were memorable and they were spent with people you wanted in my life.  I know they taught me some things (and I am still learning), I pray that I taught them what you wanted me to teach them."